Comic Relief: Cheers to Booze

In the wake of government shutdowns, none has had the drastic and horrifying effects that Minnesota's has had. According to reports their booze supply is at risk due to the state not renewing liquor licenses. This literally "sobering" situation could quickly lead to news like this:

Des Moines (GNN) -- Millions of stunned refugees that have flooded across the Minnesota border into Iowa has forced the governor to issue a state of emergency declaration. Riots have broken out in refugee camps, as seen in other Minnesotan camps in Wisconsin, Ontario, and the Dakotas, due to immense hangovers and moments of clarity generally summed up by the protest slogan "Everything around us sucks too?!"

FEMA has stepped up its Iowa operations to resolve the growing problem. Up to 200 Minnesotan refugees are being dropped off at Davenport, IA strip clubs in the hopes they forget about their troubles and which direction they came from. As with most Iowans who visit, most end up heading towards Illinois after and of those who don't drown in the Illinois river, the rest blend in to Northeast Illinois as wondering drunks.

The horror, the horror...